forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
