I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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