Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
