all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
