between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
