So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
