Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
