It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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