All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
