at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
