I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
