I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
