I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
