My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
