Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
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