I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
