It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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