is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
