My room smells like vodka and shame
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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