now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
