from now on my penis is your penis
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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