I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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