The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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