I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize