M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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