so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
