Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We are all done wearing pants today
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize