u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
