Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
