just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
