Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
