Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
