pop tarts are not kleenex
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
