big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
