i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
