i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just forgot I was standing up.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
