we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize