No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i think im in europe. pls send help
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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