His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize