Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
