Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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