Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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