I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think my fart just growled at me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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