her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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