Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Randomize
