Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
false alarm. still invincible.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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