Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
