maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
