At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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