Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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