Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
