whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
