I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
