i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
