I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize