Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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