I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
