real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
