Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
