so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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