I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize