i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
