I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I love you.
Bad choice
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
