ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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