I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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