Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
